Circles of Influence
When life feels overwhelming or stressful, the Circles of Influence is a simple yet powerful tool that helps you organise your thoughts, reclaim your sense of control, and empower yourself (or your team) to act with clarity and purpose.
It’s especially useful in group settings - teams facing challenges often find this a helpful way to reframe what’s within their grasp.
How It Works
Start by brainstorming everything thats frustrating you or keeping you up at night. Write each one down - Post-it notes work well - and then sort each item into one of three categories:
What I can control
What I can influence
What I can’t control or influence
Simply seeing your thoughts visually organised this way can be surprisingly insightful - and calming.
1. What I Can Control
There’s a lot in life that we can’t control—like how many emails are in our inbox—but we do have more power than we realise.
For example:
How we use the time we have
What we choose to prioritise
How we communicate our limits
Whether we take a break (or push through)
Our mindset and energy
The version of ourselves we bring to work and home
Whether we hold on to things—or let them go
Some of these choices aren’t easy, but they’re still our choices. That’s a powerful thing to remember.
Control the controllables - there’s more in this space than you think.
2. What I Can Influence
We can’t control others, but we can influence them - through empathy, connection, and persistence.
For instance, I remember when my son went through a phase where he decided brushing his teeth was a waste of time. Since he loved science, I pulled out some gross dental photos and hit him with facts. But ultimately, I couldn’t make him do it. What worked? Realising girls wouldn’t want to kiss someone with bad breath. Suddenly, motivation clicked.
The same applies at work. You might not control structural changes, new processes, or role shifts - but you can influence them:
Give thoughtful feedback
Raise concerns
Offer ideas
Ask yourself: Is this worth influencing? If it is, take action. If not, let it go. Either way, you’re choosing consciously.
3. What I Can’t Control or Influence
Finally, identify what’s truly out of your hands. These are the things to release. Don’t waste precious energy here - instead, redirect it toward what you can control or influence.
But what if you’re struggling to let go?
Try a “What If” Plan
If worst-case scenarios are looping in your mind, create a plan for them - just in case. I worked with people affected by Cyclone Gabrielle. Every time rain was forecast, anxiety skyrocketed. They couldn’t control the weather - but they could prepare for it. Putting a plan in place gave them a sense of agency and peace, even if they never had to use it.
Final Thought
The Circles of Influence aren’t just a framework—they’re a mindset. You have more power, more influence, and more choice than you might realise. Use this tool to clarify what’s yours to hold, and what it’s time to release.